Wednesday, 26 August 2015

If my kitchen could talk...

Dear Emily,

I know you're not much of a domestic goddess, and I absolutely realise that I am here to serve your needs but I wondered, if you wouldn't mind, if I could maybe give you some feedback. I'm not trying to be rude, and I realise you should be able to live your life however you want to, but I'm sorry to say we can't continue in this manner so it's time I spoke up.

  • I am only small so may I remind you that the sideboard next to the sink would be much better purposed if you didn't cover it in dirty dishes. It could be used to house an extra appliance, a food preparation area or even a decorative fruit bowl would do the trick. 
  • Following on from that, everything would run much smoother if you endeavoured to wash up your dishes when you use them... not when you need them!
  • Please inform your husband that I hate the way he drips tea bags across my nice, tiled floor on the way to the bin. He can either leave them on a saucer or quite simply, he could squeeze them out on the side of his mug to limit the drips.


My prized possession


  • Clearly you favour your coffee machine as your appliance of choice but the smoothie maker is gathering dust in the back of the cupboard and feeling left out. Also, if you showed your kettle, toaster and microwave the same amount of love that you show the coffee machine then everyone would be far happier. A quick wipe and descale wouldn't go amiss!
  • That space behind the door currently filled with an old hoover and a mountain of old carrier bags? Sort it out! You could fit a freezer in there for crying out loud! (And we all know your mini fridge freezer under the counter would appreciate the extra space).

And finally, I hate to bring it up, but there's been a couple of occasions where you've left the oven on. Not just the oven, but the hob. Now come on now, I wouldn't be a good household kitchen if I didn't raise this with you. Pay attention!

Forever in your home,

Your Kitchen

Alright kitchen, you've said it, I'll try harder - especially with Bake Off and autumn comfort food round the corner I'm kind of feeling inspired to change my ways and make more of you - or at least the resulting food that might come from you. But you're gonna have to get the hubster on board. I've tried to talk to him about that tea bag thing but even in eight years of marriage we've never quite cracked that old habit - you're not liking the tea stained look then? Your not-quite-a-domestic-goddess, Emily

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