Thursday, 13 August 2015

Decision Making

I used to be a pretty kick ass decision maker. Some might say impulsive, but I never wondered about long term life decisions, I just pushed doors, saw which ones opened and walked through them.

Let me give you an example:

Picture the scene, I've just turned 17, sitting in the lounge with my parents:
Parents: Now, we know this is a bit of an upheaval but Dad has got a job 60 miles away which includes a house. We're all moving 60 miles away.
Me: Well I'm not coming!
Parents: Why?
Me: Because I need to finish my A-Levels at the same college. I can't leave.
Parents: Well where will you go?
Me: Hmmm... well, my youth pastors who I'm not all that close to have had a lodger move out. I shall become their lodger!
Parents: Ok.....

So I did.

One year later......

Not the best Boyfriend in the world: I'm moving to Wales.
Me (between sobs): I shall come with you! I know we're crap together, but I've finished my A-Levels now and I can't continue being a lodger here. I shall move to Wales too!
Not the best Boyfriend in the world: Where will you live?
Me: We will find someone for me to be a lodger with.

So I did.

Other seemingly impulsive decisions might include, but are not restricted to, going to City University because it was the only one I bothered to go to the open day for, taking a job in Colchester even though I lived in London and had no intention of moving (this commute lasted four years) and marrying my husband (I'm not sure you have to think about Love, right?!).


I've never regretted any of these decisions. In fact, a huge amount of the good stuff in my life happened precisely because of these decisions. But now, decisions are hard to come by.

In fact, you're more likely to find me sobbing in the frozen aisle because I can't decide between chicken nuggets and fish fingers than you are to find me marching through life in a decisive, seize the day kind of manner!

Why?

Because I have this munchkin to think of!


This indecisiveness was highlighted this week because last week I decided to get a job. We need money, I don't work, simples. Right?

Except no.

I have a munchkin to think of. She's not yet two and a half, she's never been in childcare. Full time childcare is a lot to throw her into all at once.

This is what my brain looks like right now:

Can we afford childcare? 
Do we have the support network to enable us to both work full time? 
We'll lose certain benefits, can I earn enough money to compensate for that and the childcare? 
Will it be worth it? 

What other things will we have to sacrifice if I work full time? 
Will we never have another baby if I go back to work now? 
Can I handle the stress? 
Is it feasible to work part time? 
Or would we just end up earning less, losing more benefits and be worse off? 
Are there even any part time jobs in my skill set out there? 
Will childcare vouchers help? 

How the **** can I get my head around all of these hypothetical figures to see if this would hypothetically be worth it? 
If I do manage to get a job, will there be space at the nearest nursery? 
Who will do pick up / drop off and how because we don't drive? 
How will we find the upfront costs of childcare before I earn my first pay cheque?

Argh!

So anyway, as you might be able to tell, despite having applied for a couple of jobs in my initial enthusiasm, I'm pretty nervous about the consequences of this decision, and this panic has got me caught like a rabbit in the headlights so I haven't made progress and applied for any more (yet!).

I'm kind of hoping we will hit the jackpot and I won't have to make this decision at all! (Ha! We don't even play the lottery).

Any advice?

Do I just jump right in and cross each bridge when we get to it? Or do I try to come to a well thought out plan before getting there?

I miss the impulsive me!

10 comments:

  1. Good luck with whatever you decide to do! Never easy is it? I started to be rubbish at decision making once my daughters left home and went to university. I would so love the challenge of a new job, if only I could decide what it was I actually wanted to do for a living.

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    1. Thank you! I know exactly what you mean. I can't go back to what I used to do very successfully because my work is very London-centric, so I'm looking at a new career also... that also makes the decision pretty hard! Thanks for stopping by!

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  2. This is never easy thing to do and there is no right way. It is sensible to research it a bit so that you don't find yourself going through that upheaval only to be worse off. I wish I could give you an answer but it is all so individual. Take it one step at a time and keep searching and it will start to become clear what is best. Good luck

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    1. Thanks, Kirsten, I've prayed for a sign (a big, neon one!). Thanks for stopping by! xx

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  3. I can get like that when making decisions - there's so much to consider you end up overwhelmed and like you can't do anything at all! There is no one right answer but you could just try something and see how it goes? Very few decisions are truly irreversible. Good luck!

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    1. You're right on that front, nothing is irreversible. It's just very overwhelming! I shall let you all know how I get on! Thanks for stopping by! x

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  4. Oh, for those carefree impulsive days! Trouble is, as we get older, we get more fearful about everything and generally overthink things! Good luck on finding a new job - if that's what you want - and go with your instinct, channel that 17 year old girl and go with what feels right! All the best and thanks for hosting #pocolo xx

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  5. Love the impulsive decisions you made, very similar to some of my own! Good luck with the job situation, as useless as this advice is, when the right job and childcare come along you will know xx #PoCoLo

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  6. I have been exactly where you are and there are just so many things to think about. My advice (for what it's worth!) would be to focus on one thing at a time - try and find a job you will enjoy and then, if you get it, you can make your other decisions then - if it's meant to be then it will work itself out. I admit though, very often easier said than done! #PoCoLo

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  7. I try and cross each bridge when I come to it as things have a habit of sorting themselves out. And I'm a terrible over thinker ... Good luck getting things sorted out

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