Wednesday, 6 May 2015

Dear Kate,

First of all, congrats to you and Will on the new bubba. Charlotte Elizabeth Diana is a beautiful name, I'm sure ol' Charles, Granny and MIL would be thrilled with your choices.

I'm writing because well, you know it's been a few days now so I figured you'd be ready for a nice letter, the media storm has died down a bit and everyone likes nice letters. If you ever want a pen pal or anything... my deets are in the sidebar >>>>

Anyway, I digress. So I thought by now you might need a bit of encouragement. Your new baby is the most beautiful thing you've ever seen. You're so so happy as a little family and it's probably quite shocking to find that not everyone is pleased for you. I'm sure this happens a lot when you have your second baby (I'm yet to reach that stage myself), but yeah, not everyone is as excited for the second as they are for the first.

I've read a lot this week and it seems that people's main concern, however, is that you're simply too perfect. I mean, how dare you be so beautiful just a few hours after giving birth! I know it's not your fault, you can't help your natural looks and clearly you're working what God has given you but I think maybe everyone would be more comfortable if you left the hospital with a greasy top knot, no make-up and jogging bottoms. Why didn't you try that, eh?

I know, I know, the world's media were waiting for you outside the Lindo Wing. I mean, if that were me, and I was expected to do the big reveal like that, I know I would much prefer to be looking an utter state. But you, Kate, you chose to make the most of the resources available to you and yeah, you probably utilised your stylist, make-up artist and hairdresser and tried to look your best for the photos. The photos that not only would be broadcast across the world but that also would go down in history. I mean, why would you do that?

People seem to think that you should just be 'normal', but you know, I think it's pretty normal to want to look your best for important photographs. I know what it's like to be tagged in a really awful picture on Facebook for all the world to see, and in those moments I kind of wish I had utilised my stylist, make-up artist and hairdresser.

People also seem to be disappointed, Kate, that you haven't blogged about your birth story yet. The world is waiting to judge you on your birth plan and parenting choices. Maybe you should start a blog, Kate, clearly it's the best way to keep the trolls informed. I've seen the comments: "I bet she had a C-section", "Off home to let nanny look after it", "Bet she's not breastfeeding", "Bet she had a quick nip and tuck while she was in there", "Bet she doesn't have to worry about the washing up..." etc. etc.

In the words of our friend, Taylor, the haters gonna hate, Kate.

But in my humble opinion, cause I know you're desperate to know what I think, it's really none of our business. If you had a C-section, then respect. I've heard they are horrendous and they take a while to recover from. If you had an all natural hypno-water-birthing-no-pain-relief kinda deal then good on ya.

I myself had a nice, straightforward, water birth with gas and air and a bit of pethidine half-way through to give me a rest. It was nice. I hope it's like that for any subsequent births. The point is, Kate, I hope it turned out the way you wanted it. And if you did have a C-section then it doesn't make you any less of a woman, mother or human being. In fact, none of your parenting choices make you less of a mother.

You see, Kate, us commoners are actually mostly pro-choice. We see loads and loads of campaigns about women having the right to choose the way they give birth, whether they breast or bottle feed, whether they work or not. But these rights don't appear to extend to you, Kate. People want you to struggle, they want you to make the 'wrong' choices, or at least take the 'easy' option - cause it means they can judge you for being less than perfect when to the watching world you are too perfect.

Just ignore them Kate. We all know that if I were married to the Prince of England (missed the boat on that one!) I too would use all the resources available to me to make life as nice as it can be. If I could hire a cleaner so that I didn't have to stress over the kitchen then I would.

I would much rather be having cuddles with my newborn than worrying over what's for dinner or whether I washed up enough plates two days ago for tonight's meal. Let's be honest, you made a few sacrifices to marry who you did, and you should receive a pay-off for that in some way. A cleaner and a private chef for those first few days with a newborn is the least they could do ('cause I bet no one's knocking on your door with a batch of frozen lasagnes, right?).

So, Kate, now that we're friends, let me give you a bit of advice. Other human beings can be mean. You're probably on the receiving end of that mean-ness an awful lot because you know, you did decide to marry the future King and you are in the public eye a fair bit. But when that happens, Kate, just stick a bit of Taylor Swift on, turn it up real loud, grab Georgie and Charl and jump, dance and sing at the top of your voice. I recommend the hit, Shake it Off.

You'll feel so much better.

Looking forward to your swift reply.




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