Saturday, 21 September 2013

A Dose of Mamma's Guilt

This week, unusually, I was faced with a good ol' dose of Mamma's Guilt. 

Normally, I'm absolutely confident in my parenting choices. If you don't like our style, judge all you want, but at the end of the day everyone just does what it takes to get the family through the day sane and unharmed. So where did this sudden pang of the Guilt come from?

What was I feeling guilty about? Probably the age old issues that have plagued the minds of mums since the beginning of time!
  • Wanting to stop breastfeeding because sometimes I just want to go out by myself
  • Breastfeeding too much (ie. not teaching Ruby patience)
  • Starting to wean two weeks before the recommended time
  • Resorting to pre-packaged weaning jars & pouches rather than cooking up my own delicious purees
  • Taking her out of her bedtime routine
  • Skipping bath time because I was tired
  • Losing my temper with her when she woke up in the night and wouldn't settle back to sleep
  • Not realising that the reason she kept waking up in the night was probably that she was cold and it was me who hadn't supplied her with enough warmth
  • Resorting to Calpol too early
  • Leaving her to cry in pain and using Calpol as a last resort
  • Resorting to breastfeeding as a source of comfort rather than food
  • Co-sleeping because it's easier than teaching her to stay in her cot
  • Leaving her all alone in her cot
  • Wanting to spend time away from her to build my own career
  • Not making the most of the time spent away from her, thus rendering it time I could have spent with her
  • Not providing enough money for the family to ensure security in her future
  • Working too much so that I'm not there for her all the time
...And the list goes on! 

I don't know what came over me! I'm normally a very confident parent; I learnt very early on that you take a stand for how you want to do things or you allow others to steer you in all different directions, without any real purpose, to the detriment of your own child's wellbeing. Who cares what other people think! Who cares what Super Nanny says! Who cares how they did it in the old days or what the new fangdangled research tells us!

When it comes to parenting, nothing is ever the perfect decision. Everything comes with pros and cons. Every method or school of thought has an army of followers who are convinced they know best.

But, as the parent of your child, you do know best. You are responsible for that tiny life. Only you can know what is best for your own baby. Only you are with them 24/7, reading their signals and working out exactly what their needs are and how they are best fulfilled. 

So next time I get an attack of the Mamma's Guilt, shut it up, quick! Rise up! Be confident!

You're doing a good job, and it will all turn out alright in the end.

***

This weekend I have the privilege of featuring in Vicky Welton's Post, Comment, Love, (#PoCoLo) Newbie Showcase, hosted by Jaime Oliver; if you've come from there then welcome! If you haven't, I suggest you hot-foot it over there immediately to find a whole bunch of new blogs that you really should be reading!

4 comments:

  1. Hello, am over from PoCoLo and just wanted to say I've done all of those things (some a while ago, admittedly!) and have felt plenty of guilt... we're mums, it comes with the territory! But sure you are doing a grand job and you'll feel better about it again tomorrow :)

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  2. Thank you! Yes, I'm sure it's all normal and it feels like whatever you do, it's wrong. But ultimately she is loved, so how can you go wrong?

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  3. As you rightly point out, damned if you do and damned if you don't. To paraphrase Oscar Wilde the only thing worse than feeling guilty is not feeling guilty...
    [#PoCoLo]

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  4. I think guilt is par for the course as a parent and if you don't get it sometimes then you are not parenting properly!! (or at least thats what I heard!) Sorry I didn't get to you last weekend! It all got a bit out of control and then I got poorly. Thank you so much for being newbie showcase and for all your support. Thanks for linking to PoCoLo x

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